..and now we change

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 02:35:59 GMT

i am going to get a really nice digital camera and take up photography again.

and i have to get polaroid film.

life, yo

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 02:54:59 GMT

wow. i guess that history does repeat itself.

this year has been a transitional one at least. i stopped talking to some, started talking to others, was given tons of responsibility, and fell in love for real this time.

now im thinking about marrying the love of my life eventually, having dinner parties with the best people in the world, and being a real grown up.

there are moments when i feel like my entire life is working and im in this (for lack of better words) zen place. and then i start thinking about junior year and how im almost done with my major and how will i teach and do i really want to teach? or do i want to be a huge hippie and travel in an RV and see everything.

im not too sure what im doing still talking to some people. and then there are others that i am completely and utterly greatful for. if i hadnt met some of these people i would have cracked undoubtedly.

i havent seen amanda since my birthday really which would be odd for us but then again after freshman year we kind of just go along with it. drifted apart i guess. or other things became more important? i decided to live it up at college and found myself in doing so.

there have been a lot of mistakes this year and they all lead me here. one day i stopped caring and someone realized that he couldnt live without me. i guess that i lucked out with my life. i really hope that this is all true and that im not heartbroken again. but worse because this time its real.

i feel so much older. i feel mature and loved. but then there are days when i would really enjoy being sixteen again and going to some stupid madison show with my friends.

i miss high school every once in a while. i think that i just miss seeing everyone everyday. those that matter i still talk to and i still see. some of them more than others but whenever i see them we pick up right where we left off.

i dont know. i just hope.

Fri, 20 Apr 2007 02:25:35 GMT

i cant. there are no words.

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 05:13:20 GMT

im done with the mistakes.
i want to find compatibility. not only but more than that.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 19:16:28 GMT

remember: down the road, not across the street.

i am so done.

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 10:46:06 GMT

i hate when people become so one tracked that they don't remember where they came from. or who was there from the beginning.

get over yourself. everyone falls in love. find your balance and start remembering whats important besides yourself.

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 23:41:21 GMT

im over this semester already.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 18:32:14 GMT

i really just want to run away.

Sun, 07 Jan 2007 02:47:40 GMT

eh. not feeling well.
cant wait to get back to school.

Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:35:41 GMT

im going to end this.

fuck this whole promise thing. it was bullshit anyway.

how do i get out of here?

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 19:21:34 GMT

i get into these random retrospective moods and i start to wonder if anyone thinks about me the same way that i think about them. i mean my friends, family, boy, all of the people that i have spent large amounts time with. i wonder if they look back on the places we have gone and the things we have done together and they feel the same way that i do. i wonder if certain conversations resonate in their minds the same way that they do in mine. maybe im just crazy. maybe i just miss it all too much.

i should stop listening to matt pond PA. i only get like this when it is on.

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 19:57:01 GMT

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 20:13:13 GMT

i just cant.
and i dont really know if i want to.

Sat, 04 Nov 2006 02:29:44 GMT

this is the soundtrack to a broken heart

mute math- picture
the postal service- nothing better
rainer maria- southpaw
playradioplay!- compliment each other
the new amsterdams- the death of us
madison- right outside
owen- she's a thief
zero7- in the waiting line
imogen heap- goodnight and go
acceptance- in too far
anna nalick- forever (digame)
jimmy eat world- kill
stars- your ex-lover is dead
esthero- everyday is a holiday
sufjan stevens- to be alone with you
frou frou- hear me out
bloc party- pioneers
mute math- noticed
joe wilson- wish you well
inara george- fools in love
city and colour- save your scissors
ben folds- brick
jimmy eat world- if you dont, dont
keane- bedshaped

Wed, 25 Oct 2006 04:37:07 GMT

~~happy anniversary.~~

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 23:01:28 GMT

All I hear in my head
Are all the words I wish I'd said
Sentimental thoughts are overwhelming me again
As I stare through a lens of tears
At what remains of those fallen years
Now in this frame memories are held to persevere

I pictured you and me always
And in this photograph we'll stay

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 03:41:13 GMT

i just wrote a poem. it has taken me months to do that.

i thought that i lost my inspiration. turns out heartbreak is good fuel to add to the fire.

on the upside i get to see amanda on monday. and im going home for the weekend..next weekend.
and kaia and i have a definite weekend for me to come up. so excited.

so now its apple picking with kids from school, girls nights, and trying to get through this whole court thing.

i just want to go home.

school work is not as intense as i had expected it to be. but for right now its sleepytime for this baby bubbaz.

ps. the girls and i are going to be 40s pin up girls for halloween. im so excited. so friggin excited.

Sat, 23 Sep 2006 20:00:31 GMT

lol. my freshman messaged me on facebook and asked when we were gonna chill. LOL.

life is good.
i am feeling one thousand percent better since monday.

cruel to be kind <33

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 16:53:46 GMT

there are pieces of you here
that just wont disappear
at least for another year
so i wish you well my friend
cause i know you wont be back again <33

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 04:06:48 GMT

so. i was looking through a whole bunch of pictures of me on facebook. and i was so heavy. i really did lose a lot of weight and im really proud of myself.

now i cant stop it. i have to continue and i need more willpower. i dropped two pant sizes over the summer. its pretty awesome.

i just want to be happier.

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 04:37:33 GMT

quite frankly. i miss him.

but i cannot seem to tell him that.

ps. happy birthday best friend.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 04:31:36 GMT

im all sorts of mixed up.

ps. i miss my best friend.
i miss my life.

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 13:55:58 GMT

i moved all of my stuff in yesterday. and got some heinous cold from a child a camp. but whateva.

its kind of lonley here when there are only ten people living in freeman. kellen comes on monday. and then it wont be so bad.
our room is so dreary. and its gross out. but im putting a collage up at some point this weekend so that might brighten it up.

i had the worst night of sleep last night. i woke up seven or eight times. the thunder was ridiculous and i just couldnt get rid of my headache.

im excited for this year. im wondering what it will bring. ive grown up a whole lot this summer. and i changed both mentally and physically. its sad leaving everyone. for some reason i miss my family the most. and amanda and kaia.

thinking about it..this summer wasnt so bad. i just learned a lot that i know i didnt want to know, but hey...everything happens for a reason.

oh ps. men suck. as usual.
pps. im kind of excited to see everyone again and to start learning.

Fri, 18 Aug 2006 01:03:28 GMT

where did i go wrong?

i had a whole entry. and now i cant think of it.
whatevs.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 22:33:23 GMT

today for some reason i felt like a natural beauty.

and everyone should download corinne bailey rae.